Bad behaviours are kinda funny. We know we shouldn’t be doing them, but we keep doing them. We think we might be the exception to not be affected by it. Or we think too short-term to NOT know of its effect.
For instance there are a lot of scammy businesses in tourist locations because they don’t have repeat customers. Contrast that to a businesses in a city or a suburb that optimises for service and repeat customers.
Local businesses understand that you cannot hack your reputation.
And I see this pattern with personal habits as well. You cannot hack your way to a fit body or a state of being. You have to work on it for a long period of time.
Bad behaviours is rooted in short term thinking
It’s kinda natural to do self-destructing things because we’re not wired to think to 10,20,30 years.
I wrote about the REAL magic bullet, a.k.a the compounding effect. I had some reflection on it’s so hard to embrace the compound effect. I realise something
The barrier to doing something long enough is our microwave mentality.
We want our results to be ‘quick’. Like how things get heated in under 120 seconds on a microwave. Or how we start to get likes immediately after posting a picture.
The world around us constantly encourages this behaviour.
When results are not as quick as I want it, I get into a state of self criticism. Press the try harder button. And eventually give up.
How often do we go back to our camera rolls to check the 565+ pics we took in a vacation?
How often do we check the countless articles saved using our chrome extension tool?
How often do we call or text the countless contacts on our phone?
The answer to all this is- far fewer than what we could.
With abundance of storage, and ease of getting things done, we rarely attach value or emotion to these acts. Taking pictures, storing articles, and saving contacts have become mere acts without much emotional value.
Contrast this to the times when these were scarce.
We used to take pictures that meant something. Because camera rolls were expensive.
We used to read, and discuss articles, because our access to wide information was limited. We used to ‘memorise’ numbers of special ones.
This is not to say I’m against tech, and we should go back to stone age. Just trying to see if we can bring back the magic and joy of little things in this digital age.
I feel great about what I’ve done. I’m content where I am
We rarely feel this way. In fact most of us (including myself) are perennially dissatisfied though we tend to accomplish a lot of things.
We remember the 2 things we didn’t strike out from our to-do list
We remember the 1 failed assignment at work
We beat ourselves over the one argument or stupidity we committed in a relationship.
And we hold on to it forever. Experts call this Zeigarnik Effect.
The psychological tendency to remember an uncompleted or an unpleasant task/memory rather than a completed one.
I tend to press the “try harder” button when I experience this uncomfortable feeling. A friend told me that she pictures me as a track runner jumping hurdle after hurdle on an endless track, only to keep running until there are no hurdles.
Without rest, pause, and the choice to be satisfied- I end up getting myself burnt out.
We all have a choice to be satisfied, and that’s a decision we have to seek every single day.
I read Subtract by Klotz. Through evolution, we are always taught to accumulate stuff. Our default is to ‘add’ things to get more done.
Klotz explained how Subtracting could be the missing piece in getting things done effectively. For example:
I’m constantly stressed by my to-dos. Instead of seeking the next productivity magic bullet, think about stuff that you can subtract.
People keep zoning out in status update meetings. Instead of thinking about adding ‘excitement’ we could choose to do away with it (and explore some other format).
I don’t like my current book collection. Instead of buying more, I could donate the ones I’ve outgrown or don’t love. I’m only left with books that spark joy.
I get tired while on vacations. I could ditch visiting every tourist attraction, and do things that energise me.
I was never a good learner. And naturally I struggled a lot during my initial schooling.
My mom used to help me study at home. One way she would make complex concepts easy is by finding patterns or fitting them in something I already understand.
“This” is like “that”
“That” could be a real life scenario, an anecdotal experience, a story, or something from a different subject. It made things so easy. And now, that’s become a practice.
I try to remember everything in metaphors. Lessons are often found where we seek for them.
What’s a hobby of yours that doesn’t involve a screen?
I go for long evening walks around my neighbourhood while catching up with my friends who live in a different timezone. Even there, I’m using my phone (though technically I’m not using a screen).
I go for group workouts, and that’s one of the few places where I’m completely off screen. Because they mandate it. But apart from that, Zilch.
Not all book are meant to be finished cover to cover. It took a long time for me to realise this.
I used to have a perpetual guilt around quitting books. I forced myself to read the entire texture, irrespective of how I felt. And I believed I wasted money if I don’t do so.
Until I realised how liberating quitting books can be. You could quit a book for multiple reasons
You’ve got enough value from the book from the first few pages. Let’s admit- most non-fiction books could’ve been blog posts.
You’re not in the zone to finish a book. Maybe you want to read fiction, and you’re pushing yourself read about productivity :)
If the book doesn’t enrich your perspective. Just because something is published, doesn’t mean it HAS to offer value.
And numerous other reasons.
Realise this
It’s the book’s responsibilities to hold your attention and provide value. The moment it stops doing it, quit the damn book.